Bleaching the Darkness
by Kitsune Foxfire
Summary: Bleach-Desendents of Darkness mix. Spoilers for Bleach in later chapters, not current with bleach-parallel universe type. What happens when Hisoka and Tsuzuki meet the Bleach Shinigami How will the Bleach crew react to the guardians of death?
1. Chapter 1

_**Kitsune Foxfire here with the usual disclaimers. I do not own either series. Story will contain spoilers for Bleach at least. I have only read 2 volumes of Descendents of Darkness (Yami no Matsui) and I've seen the anime, so a lot of stuff is going to be based of that, or total Bull. This story is crack. I'll be lucky if it makes it to 4 chapters, no clue where I'm going with this.  
**_

* * *

"Hisoka! Wait up Hisoka!"

"Hurry up, Tsuzuki, it's getting away!" Hisoka shouted back, not even slowing down. He and Tsuzuki were chasing after a monster that had attacked someone who had not crossed over.

One look at the hairy, white masked form with the gaping hole in it's chest and they immediately suspected the Doctor. This of course meant they left the non-crossed over spirit behind to chase after the beast. The two of them had been trailing the monster for a while now, and Tsuzuki had fallen behind. Hisoka was in no way going to slow down for his partner, mostly out of pride at having finally out-ran him, and partially because he had just lost sight of the beast. Neither of them were watching where they were going, forgetting completely for the moment that they were not in spirit form.

Hisoka! Come on, wait up alrea..." the tall guardian of death was cut off as a car barreled into him and then kept going.

Now, Hisoka was many things, but one thing he wasn't was cruel enough to walk away from his friend after he got hit by a car. "You idiot!" snarled Hisoka, coming up to his fallen friend.

"That's cruel, Hisoka!" whimpered Tsuzuki, not noticing the orange-headed teen who approached, a frown on his face.

"You got that right," the youth said, startling them both, "Your friend gets hit by a car, and you call him names?" he smiled, "You're my kind of guy." He then turned to poor Tsuzuki, who was pouting, "You ok, man?"

"Yes, yes, just fine, don't mind me," Tsuzuki smiled, "just a bit winded is all."

"You dummy, it was a rhetorical question!" snapped the youth, visibly annoyed.

"No really! I'm fine!" Tsuzuki stammered, more worried about following the monster, who by now had a considerable lead. All he had to do was return to his natural state and he'd be able to keep going easily. But first, they had to get rid of this kid.

"Bull!" the teen sighed, "You at least need to be checked out. ..can you stand? I'll take you to see someone."

"Yes of course, I'm fine!"

"Would you shut up already?! I already told you I was taking you to a doctor!" the orange headed boy grabbed Tsuzuki by the collar of his trench coat and started to drag him along, with Hisoka trailing behind, laughing. "Jeeze, you could show a guy some appreciation, you know? Here I am, going out of my way to help you, and you brush me off!"

"But..."

"Yeah yeah, I know, you're _fine_. Why kida guy do you think I am? You got hit by a car, there's probably internal bleeding, you dumbass."

"Hisoka! Help meee!" whined Tsuzuki.

"You know, he doesn't like doctors." Hisoka dutifully reported, still chuckling.

"Yeah? that's nice, I don't like idiots who get hit by cars while running down the middle of the street." The boy sighed, "Rukia is going to kill me..."

As if the name had summoned her, Rukia appeared. "Ichigo! were are you going the Hollow is... who's that?" She pointed at the sad form of Tsuzuki, who was now following Ichigo like a good little boy.

"This guy got hit by a car just now. I've got to bring him to the clinic, sorry Rukia."

"But Ichigo! The hollow!"

"But nothing, I've got to do this. You or that afro-guy can take care of this one, ok?" Ichigo waved her off before continuing towards home.

"Is that your girlfriend? She seems rather nice…" started Tsuzuki.

"She is _not_ my girlfriend. She's just a friend. Why am I explaining this to you?"

"Well, she seemed to be a but upset. I figured that this was cutting into her date with you is all…"

"For the last time she IS NOT my girlfriend! I was supposed to go do something with her, but it's no big deal really. She'll get over it."

"I see…"

"Will you shut up?" Ichigo snapped. After a few minutes of wandering around, he stopped at a house.

"I thought you were going to take me to the doctor?"

"I am. My family owns a clinic. I just don't feel like walking a few more blocks to get to the Clinic entrance, so I'm taking you though the house. Got a problem with that?" He growled, glaring at Tsuzuki, as if daring him to voice such a problem.

"Nope, none at all. Just wondering," Tsuzuki replied, "lead on, oh noble one."

"Why do I attract the weird ones?" came the muttered response as Ichigo opened the door.

"Ichigo!" cried his father, lunging for his son. Ichigo calmly stepped to the side and slammed his elbow into the back of his fathers head. Hisoka and Tsuzuki looked on in shock. "I have taught you well my son!"

"Will you knock it off! I brought you a patient." Ichigo pointed to Tsuzuki, who was trying to inch away.

"Him? What are you talking about son? He looks fine to me."

"I am. How very apt of you to notice, no if you'll excuse me…" He turned to leave only to have Ichigo grab him by the collar once more.

"Not so fast, buddy." He turned to his dad, "He got hit by a car."

"What?"

"You heard me."

"Well then, right this way, Mr…?"

"Tsuzuki" the purple eyed guardian sighed, "Asato Tsuzuki"

"Right, follow me, Mr. Asato, and we'll make sure your in ship shape!" While Isshin was checking over Tsuzuki, he questioned his son, "So werent you supposed to hanging out with that girl Rukia today? When's she going to visit again?"

"Yeah, well, I had to cancel because of this idiot."

"I see. And here I thought I'd have the house to myself today. Your sisters are off playing with that kid. You know, the nut with the baseball bat. Kid's today, growing up way to fast. What would your mother say?"

"She'd probably tell you to shut up and get to work!"

"what work? This guy here is fine." Isshin smiled at Tsuzuki. "Sorry if my son troubled you." Ichigo kicked him in the head, "But it is always better to be safe. You and your friend can go about your day. No charge."

"Thank you very much," Hisoka said from his spot in the doorway, "I'll try and make sure this idiot doesn't get hit by another car."

"Hisoka, that really mean. You sound like I'm your pet dog or something."

"I feel like that some times."

Ichigo looked Hisoka up and down, "Hisoka, was it? You go to school around here?"

"No, I don't. We're just visiting."

"I see. Well, nice to meet you anyway. Name's Kurosaki. Ichigo Kurosaki." He held out his hand.

Hisoka naturally just stared at him, since he didn't touch people often. "Sorry, I don't shake hands…"

Ichigo shrugged. "No prob."

"Hey, Hisoka, Isn't that weird?" Tsusumi said, pointing at a pamphlet that had the clinics name on it, "You all have the same last name, and it's spelled the same way too."

"You're a Kurosaki too? Dad, how come you never told me we had relatives?"

Ichigo's dad, however, was staring at Hisoka like he had seen a ghost. Which, technically he had…

* * *

_**Kitsune again. So should Hisoka be from Isshin's (Ichigo's dad) side or his mom? Those of you who know the whole who his dad is bit, please tell me which would be better. Also, the last names are the same, completely, I checked. Obviously, it was my inspiration.  
**_


	2. Chapter 2

"Dad?"

"Huh?" Isshin shook himself, "Oh yeah, we have relatives. They just weren't too happy when I married your mother, so we drifted apart," he lied.

"Is that so?" Ichigo shrugged, "Who knew that mom was so important to you. So, is your side of the family rich or something?" He asked Hisoka.

"I guess so, I never really noticed." He muttered, staring at Isshin, who he had never met, let alone heard of. "they were very strict with me."

"Where?"

Tsuzuki interrupted, "There was a bit of a falling out between them," he stood and walked over to Hisoka, "He hasn't spoken with them in a few years."

"I see." Ichigo smiled, "Well, I've got to go catch up with Rukia, but if you're still in the area latter we should hang out."

"Yes, well, we should get going as well. Things to do, you know." Tsuzuki waved as he followed Hisoka out the door.

"So, Hisoka, are you guys really related?"

"What can't you learn to keep your mouth shut?" Hisoka growled, "I don't know. " He read the pamphlet he had taken from the clinic, "I don't think there's an Isshin in my family, but, I didn't exactly talk to anyone."

"I see. Sorry, I forgot." Tsuzuki drooped, "I was just trying to help you."

"Tsusmi, you don't _think_, do you?" Hisoka sighed, "I'm a Guardian of Death I'm not supposed to have contact with my family."

"I know, but… It's family, you know?"

"We'll talk about this later. We still have go after that…thing."

"That's all fine, but we've lost it."

"And who's fault is that?" Hisoka pointed out, "Come on, let's get a better view." With that, Hisoka turned into his spirt form and headed for the nearest roof.

"I wonder what that creature is?" Tsusume asked, joining him, "Ah! There it is!" he pointed, taking off.

"You're lucky. I'd hate to have to tell the boss you let something like that go."

The two raced towards the hollow, unaware that there was another person chasing it.

* * *

"Geesh, Rukia! I told you I had to help that person." Ichigo growled at his friend as they ran after the hollow. "How was I supposed to know that that useless Shinigami got called back?"

"If you had just taken care of the Hollow _before_ helping those people!" Rukia complained, "Oh, I know you couldn't but you're a substitute shinigami, you need to keep up with your job."

"Can you yell at me later about this? There's the stupid hollow." Ichigo yelled as he quickly attacked the monster who's back was to him. He was a little surprised when the monster backed up right into his swing.

"Who do you work for?"

"What's this? A Shinigami? No, something tastier. OOO, I'm going to enjoy eating you."

"Answer me, monster!' Commanded Tsuzuki.

The Hollow ignored him completely, and reached out a massive hand towards Hisoka, "I think I'll eat the little one first." It licked it's lips, "His spiritual energy smells so nice."

"Hisoka! Back you foul beast!" Tsusume slammed a spell into the monster, forcing it to take a step back.

Ichigo's sword just cut right through the hollow with absolutely no resistance. He was relieved, this Hollow was a bit stronger then the ones that had been showing up recently, which meant it's presence put his sisters at risk. "Well, Rukia, that was easy. I guess we can go hang out with Chad and the others now, huh?" He said, turning to his friend. He noticed that she was staring at something that was right behind him. "Don't tell me there's _another _one!" He growled spinning around, zanpakutou held at the ready. Instead of a second hollow, he saw the guys from earlier that day. "Gez, Rukia, don't scare me like that! I guess these guys where what the hollow was chasing. Weird though, Hollow's don't normally go after the living…." Tsuzuki raised his hand and pointed at Ichigo. "Wait! You can see us?!" both guys shouted.

"Obviously he can see us, you idiot." Snapped Hisoka, "He's a spirit like us! Look at what he's wearing, you moron."

"Oh that's mean, Hisoka!" Tsuzuki pouted before turning to Ichigo, "Hello again, Ichigo!" He walked over to the lad, "I'd like to thank you for your help, but we had it under control."

The orange headed youth shrugged, "I could say the same thing to you. Who the hell are you guys?!"

Tsuzuki's face fell a little bit. "Hisoka and I, we're Guardians of Death."

"Yeah, and?"

"Well, Ichigo Kurosaki ," He put his hand on the young man's shoulder, "if you can see us right now, it means you've, well. I'm not sure how to quite put this…"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

Hisoka walked over to the two of them, "What he's trying to say is, you're dead. You and that girl over there." Ichigo and Rukia both sweat dropped.

"Hisoka! You don't have to be so cold about it! Think about he must feel, struck down in his youth, tragically after rescuing someone from a car accident…"

"You were fine," Hisoka pointed out.

"Still!" Tsuzuki turned back to Ichigo, "I'm sorry about my friend there. He has a way with words, I guess you could say. Unfortunately, as you've obviously not crossed over yet, we'll have to help you."

"Yeah, well, _We're _Shinigami," Ichigo started only to be interrupted by Rukia's cough, "Ok, fine! She's a Shinigami, and I'm a substitute Shinigami. There you happy?" He turned to Rukia before turning back to the Guardians of Death, "and because _you_ can see us, and touch us, you were probably were killed by that hollow, and _I'll_ have to help _you_ cross over."

"Shinigami?" Hisoka muttered, "Isn't that a guardian of death?"

"Well, yes and no," explained Tsuzuki, "Some Guardians are Shinigami in the sense that they collect the souls of the dead at the time of death, and others, like us, collect those who aren't sent right away, as well as dealing with demons and monsters."

"I'm confused." Ichigo interrupted, "you're Shinigami?"

"I see," Rukia started, "So, you're from that orginazation that cleans up the messes. Nice to finally meet you." She shook Tsuzuki's hand.

Ichigo scratched his head, "HUH?! What is going on? Are they dead or not?!"

"Oh, they're dead alright. Unless I'm wrong Mr. Tsuzuki here was born in this world before I was. I've heard of you, sir, and the work that you've done. Your Kido is an inspiration to us all."

* * *

**Kitsune here. Sorry about the wait. And, well...the not so great chapter. I, er...Well, This is a Crack-fic, and I'm doing the best I can. It's been rough here for me recently, so I'm not at the top of my game, and I probably should have written this tommorow, because I wrote GBAC ch 13 today as well. But I want to get these DONE. 2 more chapters at the most, maybe only one. Feel free to R&R, but remember it's a crackfic, and therefor not the most accurate or well written.**


	3. Chapter 3

An hour later found the four at a Cafe having a late lunch and swapping information. Rukia had spent the interim asking Tsuzuki all sorts of things regarding his summons and spells. She had even gone as far as to ask for an autograph, which embarrassed Ichigo and Hisoka. When Chappy, still wearing Rukia's gigai had come running up asking for an autograph as well even Tsuzuki had the presence to look a little embarrassed, particularly when Rukia told Chappy about how jealous Renji was going to be, and promptly made Ichigo take a picture with her cell phone the moment she got back into her body of her shaking hands with Tsuzuki.

"Oh! So that was a Hollow!" Tsuzuki exclaimed, "And here I thought the Doctor had been up to his usual tricks. Good thing that wasn't the case, huh, Hisoka ?"

"I can't believe you didn't know what it was. You're such an idiot. You've been a Guardian of Death for how long, and you still don't know your left hand from your right." Hisoka glared over the table at his partner, ignoring the fact that he hadn't known what a Hollow was at all, "Don't tell me you're going to add this to our expenses for this trip?" he added, noticing Tsuzuki pocketing the receipt.

Tsuzuki just smiled.

"No."

"But Hisoka!" The purple eyes started to tear up as he did his best impression of a puppy.

"No."

Tsuzuki quickly changed tactics when he realized the puppy-dog look wasn't going to work. He jumped to his feet and slammed one hand on the table while gesturing elaborately to the expensive meals in front of Rukia, Ichigo, and Hisoka, "But I can't afford to cover this meal on my own!"

"Your meal is more expensive than any of ours. And you DON'T need cake. So stop trying to get the waitress's attention."

"but!"

"Hey, Rukia, do you get the feeling we're being ignored?" Ichigo was still a little shocked to find out that there were people other than Shinigami's policing the dead. Then again, Rukia had told him it was really something only the noble houses knew a lot about, as they provided most of the financial backing for the Guardians of Death. He was defiantly surprised that the idiot who had been hit by a car was actually a big-shot, even among soul reapers, who knew little of the Guardians. "So, why don't they have Zanpakuto again?"

Rukia reached into her bag for her sketchpad and pulled it out, "I told you already!" She flipped it open to a page that -vaguely- looked like it had 4 bunnies in cloths on it. She pointed to the drab bunny, "A regular person, when they die, becomes a spirit" Next she pointed at both the bunny with a sword and the bunny with a mask "A Shinigami is someone who's job is to collect souls of the recently departed, and defeat Hollows. A Guardian of Death's job is to collect Souls who have lingered, but haven't turned into Hollows. A Zanpakuto is the most effective way to defeat a Hollow, but you don't need one to cross someone over." She then pointed to the remaining bunny, "Guardians focus primarily on Kido techniques and Summons to defeat monsters, so they don't use a Zanpakuto. They do research, much like Uhara, on disturbances in the real world."

"What kind of Monsters?"

"Don't Interrupt!" Rukia drew on his face, "Not all Souls become Hollows if they don't cross over. Some stay in their bodies and become monsters. You've heard of Vampires and were-wolves right? Those monsters are souls that have become trapped in their bodies and, for lack of a better term, hollowfied."

Tsuzuki started to clap, "excellent explanation! I couldn't have put it better myself!"

"There's a shocker. Admit it, you didn't know what a Hollow was."

"I did too! I just never saw one before....."

"So, the Guardians are just like another squad then." Ichigo leaned forward, intently, "When I met you the first time, you were physical, the next time, you were in spirit form, and I know I wasn't looking when I got back into my body...but where the heck are you keeping your gigai when you aren't using them?!"

Hisoka looked away, and even Tsuzuki looked disturbed.

"Did I say something wrong?"

Rukia smacked him upside the head, "Guardians don't have gi-gai."

"But!"

"These are their real bodies."

"So they you guys are like me? Living people....but wait, Rukia said that you were born in the real world before she was, Tsuzuki, so that can't be right..."

Tsuzuki smiled wanly, "It's true, I was born a long, long time ago. And I died...." his voice petered out.

Hisoka sighed, "if we wait for him to explain we'll be here all day." He ignored Tsuzuki's relieved look, "We're dead. But unlike Shinigami, we're attached to our bodies, and they themselves become spirit bodies. We look exactly the way we did when we died, and we stay that way until we cease to exist." Hisoka looked down, playing with his drink. He didn't like talking about these things, since it reminded him about how he died, but at the same time, he knew that Tsuzuki, it was particularly painful. True, when they first had become partners, he had not understood the depth of the pain, particularly since Tsuzuki covered it so well, but after all the time they had spent together, he knew it was better if he fielded the question. "We don't go to the spirit world at all when we die. Guardians recruit the moment you die, and most of the training is on the job. The senior partner mentors the younger one. At least, that's how it's _supposed_ to work" He glared at Tsuzuki.

Ichigo thought for a moment. True, he was used to seeing the souls of children and teens who had not passed on, but it was still painful to see someone his physical age doing a similarly dangerous job. _at least I chose to become a shinigami. It's not really fair to be forced into this at any age, 'specially young. Come to think of it Tsuzuki can't be that old either, he acts like a big kid._ "Ah! So then, you're the Senior partner, right Hisoka? Wow, you must have been at this a long time then! That explains why dad didn't recognize you, even though you're a Kurosaki too..." Tsuzuki started to sulk, "Wait, _Your_ the senior partner? You're kidding, right?" Just then Ichigo's phone beeped. e she

Itchigo looked at his cell phone, checking the time, "Sorry, guys, I've got to go. Dad wanted me to pick up some stuff for Uzu at the store."

Tsuzuki immediately stopped acting like a petulant child and smiled politely, "Sorry to hear that. Hisoka and I really should try and find a place to spend the night,"

"It better be cheap, you used up all our budget."

Tsuzuki continued as if the interruption never happened, "AND we should be leaving tomorrow. I'd like to say 'I hope to see you again sometime,' but that's very unlikely."

* * *

_**Kitsune here. No excuses (none that you want to hear about anyway). I took too long to get this up, just no motivation. So I finished this up, and I wrote the next "Misery Loves Company" Chapter....So, this may or may not be the end. Depends on the response. Might have another chapter in me... Well I'm off to upload this. R&R people.**_


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